Grow the Game? No Way!
As those of you who follow us on Twitter may have seen, I was recently getting some practice in at our local golf dome and happened upon some jaw dropping golf instruction. I was amazed at how the coach and the father were working together to remove every ounce of joy from golf. “These guys are role models!” I thought to myself. “If everyone knew their secrets, golf would be dead in a generation!” Thus inspired, I sat down to create a comprehensive guide to making sure your kids hate golf.
Step #1 – Set a Bad Example (or None at All)
If you have to play golf with your kids, be sure to set a bad example. Throw clubs, curse, yell, but do not, under any circumstances, smile, laugh, or encourage your kid.
Remember the acronym ABC: Always Be Complaining. There’s so much to complain about! Green fees are too high, course conditions are terrible, the pace of play is dreadful, and that’s before you get to your game. Bad breaks only happen to you! That noise! Did you hear it? It happened right in my backswing! Argh!
Of course, another option is to not play with your kids. You can still be on the course with them, and there are things you can do instead of playing that we’ll cover later.
Step #2 – Kids Clubs? Why?
If your kid wants to play golf, they can play with chopped down adult clubs. The grips are comically oversized? Deal with it, kid! The club weighs as much as they do? Get stronger!
Yes, there are many high quality, affordable kids clubs out there. However, they will make the game easier and more fun, which is not what we’re about.
Step #3 – Always Be Coaching
The second ABC of making your kids hate golf: Always Be Coaching. It doesn’t matter if you can’t break 100, you’re the parent, so you have the acumen to teach the golf swing.
Every swing they make should be picked apart on slow motion replay. If they’re swinging with less than five highly technical swing thoughts, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re not changing those swing thoughts on each and every swing, you’re clearly not trying.
Bonus: If you can find an instructor to give them even more swing thoughts, do it. But be careful, some coaches will try to ruin your hard work with games, contests, and simple, holistic teaching. Don’t let them near your kid!
Step #4 – Compete for Your Love
Your love, attention, and approval should be 100% contingent on the scores they shoot.
Did they win the tournament? Ice cream sundaes! More than 30 putts per round? Aim the headlights at the putting green and make them practice until they pass out.
Help Your Fellow Parents
Do you have any other tips that can remove the fun from golf? Share them in the comments section below! Together we can make sure that golf courses everywhere are free of children.
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